Re-Evaluation Time

There comes a point in time where we all have to step back and re-evaluate.  Whether in our relationships with spouses, friends and children, our careers, or what needs improvement within ourselves.  I have come to that crossroad...

Crossroads

Oh, how I wish mine was as picturesque.  I struggle daily with the want need to create.  The days I can't get in to the studio to work, I end up irritable and moody.  Sadly, I've come to realize that while I can create for days on end without even stopping to eat a proper meal, none of it matters if I can't get a workable business plan for myself together.  Business woman, I am not!  While I thoroughly enjoy the process, I can't for the life in me figure out or obtain even a meager living by doing so....welcome to my crossroad....

Ramblings...

In the past week or more I've filled out more than 50 online job applications, and have been turned away from just as many...the incomprehensible thing is; I DON'T WANT any of these jobs!!!  Not a one!!!  My desire to contribute to our family income is great, and also needed...so why am I in such turmoil over this decision?  Because only in the past 16 months have I finally found myself...reclaimed who I really am, what I stand for, what I excel at, and what I'm passionate about...sad but true.

Always Be Yourself

I've read every book, online article and success story available...and I'm still lost on how to market myself and the cliental I need to succeed.  Every day, I feverishly work in the studio...all day...12+ hour days...in which by the end I still question "why" I'm still pushing myself so hard!  It's a fight that I'm not sure why I'm still doing...but know it's what I must do...So, I'll continue to fight to be myself...

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~e.e. cummings

"Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep." ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not." ~Henri Frederic Amiel

"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." ~John Mason

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"

Sometimes Bigger Is Better

I've been in a funk lately when it comes to clay & jewelry design.  Whether it's classic creativity block, or the fact that things haven't quite gone the way I'd hoped they would business wise, I decided to back away for a few days and crochet instead, and yes, I'm quite aware it's June!  Crochet is soothing to me, I'm not the best, and I often have to unravel row upon row of stitches, but, it provides an escape for my soul when needed.

Saturday we decided to make a day trip to Carytown in Richmond, VA.  A mile of fantastic little boutiques to discover, and restaurants to grab a quick bite, and who knows...maybe I'd find a great little boutique where my jewelry could call home.  While meandering through the eclectic mix we stumbled upon nirvana...appropriately named For The Love of Chocolate...OH MY!! 

For The Love of Chocolate

So...now...wipe the drool off of your keyboard!!  How we managed to get out of there without spending our life savings is beyond me...the gods were on our side, that's for sure!

While, I didn't find a home for my work, I did stumble upon a new bead shop Bangles and Beads  Awesome!  Just what I needed to jump start my creativity once more!  I'm a complete coral addict!  I have drawers and drawers of coral beads.  Blue coral.  Pink bamboo coral.  Gold coral.  Black coral.  Coral slices.  Coral branch...it's the "Bubba Gump" for me!  So imagine the skies parting and angels singing when I laid my eyes on this....

Yes, it's an almost palm sized red branch coral slice!!  It's heavy, and I have NO clue what it will morph in to...but it came home with me, and found permanent residency on my bead table!

I was a good girl and kept my purchases light...mainly because the Mr. was with me.  Here are a few other treasures I couldn't leave behind....

Large purple/blue magnesite!  Completely NOT a color I work with often, but change is good!  Love these!!!!

And finally, a large tagua nut.  I've never worked with these before, but I have some awesome crackle fire agate rondelles that will coordinate perfectly!

Hopefully, I'll get my mojo back this week, and will have new pieces to share soon!

100 Things

During my hiatus from the blog world, I have morphed into someone I'm beginning not to recognize.  Maybe it was my oldest graduating that propelled me into analyzing what was truly important in this world, and what was just "pretty clutter"...Ok...maybe it also had something to do with the vast amount of time it took to dust, polish and put away said clutter before family arrived for the occasion! 

Obviously she can't believe that they actually gave her a diploma...we were on the same page for once!

Now, don't get me wrong...I'll be the first to admit that I love my things.  Purses.  Willow Trees.  Shoes.  Clothes.  Everything shiny and pretty, truth be told.  Stuff.  I'm tired of it!  Things to dust, pick up, put away, or that fall on your head when you open your closet...and when you live in a hundred year old house with only 2 closets for 6 people, well... stuff starts to rule your life!

I'm done!  Not only is this cluttering my house, but my time, energy, and mind, that I've decided I'd rather spend on family & friends (ok...I already do this, which would explain the condition of my house).   I got off to a great start by donating 13 trash bags of books to our local high school and giving a friend 8 bags of clothes my kids have outgrown.  I can't even say I had good reason to hold onto any of it!  My kids certainly aren't shrinking, and I've been known to overbuy a time or two in my life.

Luckily, I bookmarked a web page not too long ago on this subject.  Get Rid of Clutter is a great read, and if you're on board, head to the 100 Thing Challenge blog, where blogger Dave Bruno shares his journey.  I'm a woman on a mission. 

100 Thing Challenge - Dave Bruno

What can't be sold, will be donated accordingly.  I can't say I can narrow it down to 100 possessions, but I just might try...of course beads, yarn and clay are NOT included in my new zen lifestyle.  It may take me years to dig through all of my things, and just as long to wrestle the hundreds of McDonald's toys  from their graveyard (read: bottom of the toy box) and out of my childrens' grubby little hands, where I'm sure they'll try to win me over with their dashing smiles, but it's something I need to do in order to move on to the next stage of life....because truth be told all I need is my family and friends....and beads...oh  and COFFEE!

Sand

Any other May I'd be thinking of warm, sandy beaches and lazy summer days just on the horizon...this year, sand holds a completely different definition!  Oh, how often we allow time to just pass us by?  Never on purpose, and never foreseeing what the future holds, nor do we even have an inkling that the sand is steadily slipping through that hourglass.  While we take every chance available to spend time with our children, and relish in the childish laughter, giggling, funny faces, their point of views, their outlook on the world, accomplishments and good night hugs and kisses; I'm here to tell you IT'S NOT LONG ENOUGH!!!!

Saturday marks the high school graduation of our eldest daughter.  Our first born...the one we made all the "first time parent" mistakes with, swearing that it wouldn't happen again!  I swore she'd be graduating with a pacifier still plugged in her mouth!  How could have18 years simply passed me by?  When did all of this happen?  I swear I only looked away for a second!  The last thing I remember I was  dropping her off for her first day of kindergarten...yet come Saturday, I'll have a high school graduate on her way to VCU!

VCU Rams made it to the 2011 Final Four!!

Who do I need to call to stop this insanity?  I swear she's still wet behind the ears, and I'm suppose to release her to the hounds of this world come August?  One thing's for certain...we both have a lot to learn about letting go and learning how to fly!

Saturday will be here all too soon for one of us (and it isn't her!) and while I know she's worked hard and is excited about starting a new chapter in her life, I'm still stuck back on the introduction page...and I like it here!  While many see a bright, young lady, ready to move forward, I still see the two year old who still needed and wanted me there for everything. So, please excuse my blogging absence for the next few days while I cram in all the should haves, could haves and would haves...before my sand starts running out!

A Little Mixing It Up Is Good For The Soul

I finally have gotten around to snapping a few pictures of my new work...kinda grungy, but I like them in gypsy-ish, woodsy kind of way!  Not my usual sort of work, but I like branching out, and attempting new ideas.  Granted, there are still kinks to be worked out...and they are time consuming...so...we'll see where this path takes me!

"Brass" polymer clay bee hollow medallion with brass chain and findings and mysterious aqua faceted stone (I have no clue what it is...I *think* it might be candy jade) and aqua shell spear dangle & robin's egg blue ceramic round charm.

Close up of the bee.  Many, many layers of patina...it started out as a grayish brown clay.

Honeycomb "brass" polymer clay lentil

Carved (completely by accident, as I was trying to shave of the roughness and my knife slipped & decided to go "whole hog" on it) clay toggle clasp.

Fleur De Lis pendant.  this one is still in the works...just not happy with the finished look of the necklace.  Hollow polymer clay "brass" lentil with teal cut glass and peach marble accents.

Closeup...it's missing something...I just can't put my finger on it yet...so it's hanging out (literally) in my view while I mull it over.

Stamped polymer toggle.  Aged & distressed.

Silver hollow polymer ginkgo pendant.  Pearl & Swarovski charms.

Carved & distressed toggle clasp.

So, while it's a far cry from a PMC finished piece...it'll occupy my creativity...for now!  And because I have an addictive personality, I just ordered 10+ patina colors!!

What?? No Swarovski on Tuesday???

I love the look of PMC (precious metal clay) and it's versatility, and have wanted to branch out from strictly working with polymer clay for quite some time.  I've spent my spare time (HA!) in the last week researching, and, well...right now it's just not a feasible option for me...financially, that is.  It could be a viable option if I could find an appropriate second hand kiln...but then I face the dilemma of where I'm going to put the darn thing!  I've read that you can also fire PMC with a torch, but again...with 4 kids in the house, it's a house fire waiting to happen!

But, I wanted to share with you the possibilities...endless...

Silver Wishes

Dream Some

Shannon Dee



See why I'm so enamored??  Do a quick search on Etsy for PMC and you'll find many talented artisans...the above are just scratching the surface of amazing talent and creativity.  So, after rechecking my bank account, pants' pockets in the laundry basket, and even under the couch cushions to no avail, I set about creating a "poor man's" version! 

I worked endlessly today on this little project of mine.  While, by no means does it look even remotely close to the exemplary models above...I think I like it.  It's polymer clay, meets PMC, meets metal work.  A 180 degree about face from my usual dainty, sparkly pieces that I've become too accustomed to making.  But, while talking to my dear friend Kim, she brought up a great point..."that some would never wear Swarovski on a Tuesday!"  Pure blastemy we both agreed...but she may be on to something. 

My demos need a little tweaking before I share, but I may just have something I'm happy with....stay tuned and hopefully I'll have picture worthy pieces by the week's end!

Sweet As Cupcakes

I've said it before, and I'll say it again; if you've never had the opportunity to participate in a Relay For Life event, you are missing out on an amazing experience!  A sense of community, camaraderie, and most importantly...hope.  Something, that no matter what your personal situation and tribulations (and we all have them), we crave.  Where almost everyone has a story, which in turn, creates a bond amongst all of us involved. 

Today was our local Relay event.  The weather, as predicted, was ominous...rain and storms were headed our way for the duration of the day.  I won't even try to say I wasn't slightly disappointed when the weather was forcasted, because to tell the truth, my heart sank - if just a smidge!  Tents, tables, activities and excitement just aren't as much fun in a downpour, right?  But, this morning while drinking my prerequisite pot of morning coffee, and while the house was quiet and still, I dug a little deeper into my thoughts and reasonings (hey, it happens to me occasionally.)

I rewound my memory back to when my own mother was sick, and came to the conclusion that the weather and cancer went hand in hand.  It was a whirlwind 14 months for all of us, to say the least.  It seemed that a thick black cloud hung over every activity, every holiday, every day...until the very end.  Our family's storm, if you will.  The survivors...well they can't be anything other than the rainbow after the horrendous storms have passed, and the warmth of the sun shining is most definitely organizations such as Relay For Life/The American Cancer Society.  This quickly changed my attitude about the day's events...if we weren't all willing to walk through a little rain, then how in damnation can we ever conquer something as devastating as cancer?  Perfect analogy.  Shoes on!

Luckily, the weather was quite cooperative until 5 p.m.  The luminaria event will be held at a later date, which we will NOT miss.  Come hell or high water, even if I have to drag myself there...I will attend!!  Personally, while the survivors' walk is beyond a hopeful and inspiring jump start to the day(which we all need), the luminaria ceremony is where my heart lies.  After such an upbeat, encouraging day, it's that last lap completed in silence and darkness, with only candlelight to light our way, that speaks to me.  The sheer volume of luminaries is harrowing, and it's a time to remember those storms our loved ones endured...not in vain, and in turn, gives us all the will to fight until there is no longer a need for luminaries or even relays at all!!

Here's a few highlights from today:

What's a Relay without a relay??

Sack race anyone?  These girls have a hard time just walking...Grace is not either of their names...throw in a sack...and well, you have a disaster...wedding video montage material for sure!

The one on her knees?  Yeah, she's mine *face palm*

Who doesn't LOVE cupcakes?  Sweet as sugar... Welcome to the cupcake eating contest (a dozen of them each)!!!!

Ok...these two seemed a little "cocky" before the contest considering the were the only adult females, the youngest and were outweighed by at least 50lbs...we'll see....

On your mark, get set...wait a hinkey....is that apprehension I see?

And they're off...although not glamorously!

The look says "Hey, 'Riah...maybe this wasn't such a great idea!"

And after coming to terms with their defeat...there's nothing like a little friendly cupcake fight between best friends!

Custom Sweet Memories

Wonder if I can interest my girls in a cupcake?

So, if you take nothing else away from this tonight...please do yourself a favor and treat yourself to the experience of Relay For Life....oh, and that cupcake eating contests will immediately crush your love of cupcakes FOREVER!!! ;)