Oh, how I wish mine was as picturesque. I struggle daily with the
want need to create. The days I can't get in to the studio to work, I end up irritable and moody. Sadly, I've come to realize that while I can create for days on end without even stopping to eat a proper meal, none of it matters if I can't get a workable business plan for myself together. Business woman, I am not! While I thoroughly enjoy the process, I can't for the life in me figure out or obtain even a meager living by doing so....welcome to my crossroad....
In the past week or more I've filled out more than 50 online job applications, and have been turned away from just as many...the incomprehensible thing is; I DON'T WANT any of these jobs!!! Not a one!!! My desire to contribute to our family income is great, and also needed...so why am I in such turmoil over this decision? Because only in the past 16 months have I finally found myself...reclaimed who I really am, what I stand for, what I excel at, and what I'm passionate about...sad but true.
I've read every book, online article and success story available...and I'm still lost on how to market myself and the cliental I need to succeed. Every day, I feverishly work in the studio...all day...12+ hour days...in which by the end I still question "why" I'm still pushing myself so hard! It's a fight that I'm not sure why I'm still doing...but know it's what I must do...So, I'll continue to fight to be myself...
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~e.e. cummings
"Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep." ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750
"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland
"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not." ~Henri Frederic Amiel
"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." ~John Mason
"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"