Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Re-Evaluation Time

There comes a point in time where we all have to step back and re-evaluate.  Whether in our relationships with spouses, friends and children, our careers, or what needs improvement within ourselves.  I have come to that crossroad...

Oh, how I wish mine was as picturesque.  I struggle daily with the want need to create.  The days I can't get in to the studio to work, I end up irritable and moody.  Sadly, I've come to realize that while I can create for days on end without even stopping to eat a proper meal, none of it matters if I can't get a workable business plan for myself together.  Business woman, I am not!  While I thoroughly enjoy the process, I can't for the life in me figure out or obtain even a meager living by doing so....welcome to my crossroad....

In the past week or more I've filled out more than 50 online job applications, and have been turned away from just as many...the incomprehensible thing is; I DON'T WANT any of these jobs!!!  Not a one!!!  My desire to contribute to our family income is great, and also needed...so why am I in such turmoil over this decision?  Because only in the past 16 months have I finally found myself...reclaimed who I really am, what I stand for, what I excel at, and what I'm passionate about...sad but true.

I've read every book, online article and success story available...and I'm still lost on how to market myself and the cliental I need to succeed.  Every day, I feverishly work in the studio...all day...12+ hour days...in which by the end I still question "why" I'm still pushing myself so hard!  It's a fight that I'm not sure why I'm still doing...but know it's what I must do...So, I'll continue to fight to be myself...

"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." ~e.e. cummings

"Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep." ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not." ~Henri Frederic Amiel

"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." ~John Mason

"All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization everyone else appears to have been born with: that I am nobody but myself." ~Ralph Ellison, "Battle Royal"


  1. I totally understand how you feel, better than you know, so feel free to email me.

    This is a tough time to feel this way, too. But know you're not alone!

  2. I really do understand. My similar struggle comes from the want to bead--all the time vs. my "real" job that God gave me--homeschooling my children. I would love to sell my stuff, but the voice I hear is not encouraging me to do that. I pray that you will find your answers. The ones that are right for you. :)

  3. Sorry I haven't responsed earlier to thank you both for your support, but Blogger was acting a fool for me for the past few days! Thanks again...and I'm sure I'll be emailing you soon Lori! ;)

  4. hey gorgeous, another one who feels the same way...only my battle isn't beading against a day job....it's beading against mental health....I SO want to create, everyday, and have SO much whirling round my head but the apathy from mental health stops me.....this is beyond frustrating....

    also another big hold back is finances..... it's like a catch 22 you need the finances to get yourself going, but if nobody want to purchase you end up standing still.....grrr!

    don't give up on who you are and where you want to be sweetie...some people find themselves easily and some {like me} spend most of their life knowing whatever is happening at that moment in time is not what we are meant to be....for me now, beading has made me "feel I have arrived home"...it's so right!

    Go with your instinct....you only live once lovely, grab it by the hands, make a plan and market yourself to infinity!


    hello gorgeous xxx